Welcome to 1040 Abroad, I am posting this post on the lighter side of things. Truth be told, it wasn’t easy. I’d tell you some tax jokes, but I doubt you’d depreciate them!
“How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa while your income is so low?” asked the IRS agent. “Well,” the taxpayer answered, “while fishing last summer I have caught a large golden fish.
When I took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and said, ‘I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea and I’ll give you the most luxurious villa you have ever seen’. I threw the fish back to the sea and got the villa.” “How can you prove such an unbelievable story?” “Well, you can see the villa, can’t you?”
Frank and Maybelle, an old couple who owned a small business, were enrooted to Europe when their plane was forced to land because of engine problems. The plane lands safely on the island and everyone deplanes safely. After a while, old Frank turns to his wife and say’s “This Island appears to be uncharted and desolate. The odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives! This is horrible, simply horrible!” After a few minutes, his wife Maybelle asks, “Did we pay our quarterly Federal income tax yet?” “No. What a silly thing to ask now!” says Frank. She replies, “Did you remember to mail off our State taxes before we left?” “No.” Maybelle begins to grin, “So what are you smiling about!?” an exasperated Frank asks. “They’ll find us!!” says Maybelle.
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money.
However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95
A woman went to a doctor who told her she had only six months to live.
“Oh my God!” she said. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant said the doctor.”
“Why?” said the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”
“No!” replied the doctor. “But it will seem longer.”
A doctor, a tax lawyer, a little boy, and a rabbi were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot the plane started to go down. The pilot grabbed a parachute and then he yelled to the passengers that they had better bail out and jump. Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one parachute and said, “I am a doctor, I save lives so I must live.” The doctor then jumped out of the plane leaving two remaining parachutes for three people left on the plane. The tax lawyer grabbed a parachute and said, “I am the smartest man in the world and I save people money so I deserve to live!” He grabbed a parachute and jumped leaving one remaining parachute for little boy and the rabbi. The rabbi looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I have lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.” The little boy handed the parachute back to the rabbi and said, “Do not worry, rabbi! The smartest man in the world just took off with my backpack.”